folks, been here a long time, got know a few people through LJ. Great times, all of 'em the smiles and the frowns alike. But now I'm moving.

Switching to Blogger is what is happening. You can find me at snarledthoughts.blogspot.com

I'm not yet regular at blogging, but am hoping to get back to writing. So let's see.

Cheers,
kr.

"Are you a vegetarian by choice or by religion?" A very common, cliched question. An equally vague answer followed which I'm sure does not interest you. But, the question got me thinking.

Do we do things because we are expected to, or because we want to. Yeah yeah, I can hear the hordes of you bickering about how very often we have to do things we don't like or want to. But do we do it anyway because 'it' is just an uncomfortable path to a comfortable end? In other words, we choose to prioritise the end over the means. A choice you were allowed to make.

How often do we hear someone say, "I'm vegetarian cuz my religion disallows meat"? Personally, never! Why? Because, we live in the age of choice. A period in history where we are judged by how we exercise our options.

The internet is a classic example. We have the music pirates, the honest file sharing community, and the disgruntled RIAA that is looked down upon by almost everyone online. The reason quoted is also quite interesting, 'cuz they are trying to curb your freedom of choice'. And with the 'freedom' of choice, comes the occasional pain that might be someone else's folly or your own doing. Who is to judge? The only ones really bothered about it are the ones who are caught up in it.

So that brings a person to another phase in the process of expressing choice. A stage where one needs to pre-empt all possible outcomes and choose the one with the least possible resistance. That is you do not want to run into problems with others each time you do something. So as time progress, this intentional intervention, becomes a habit. Once a habit is formed, each of us have a set of rules that govern our decisions. A personal value system, a set of core beliefs, a mini faith system, a mini religion.

So, are you a vegetarian by choice or by religion?

i dont normally put up tech stuff on my blog, but this has been on my mind long enough to warrant a 'snarled thought' status

How do i break the news? But, speak up, I must and what better time than now? May be tomorrow? The time might change, the leaves on the calendar might flip, but the situation the same. The same, me the same everyone and everything...

A long trip, many downs that made the ups feel dizzier. A fantastic relationship over the last year... One that brought about a chrysalis... and in a very twisted way, its own nemesis. And today I stood at the altar, sword in hand. It was my duty. I owed it. Yet the hand despised its own existence, the mind running berserk, and yet I had to do it. Will be a quick swoop, a clean job, one which does not make a mess? That was up to me.

The struggle internally; like none so far. The almost impossible separation of the person from the position held. Teeth clenched, sweaty brow, and a (very) heavy heart, I said what I've never said before. The guilt raced up my spine and spread through every cell, the phone seemed non existent, as I could see the reaction and hear what was said... I've NEVER felt worse.

Did my best to make it clear that it was beyond anyone's control and it was Nothing personal. Hope as time moves on, my words find clarity.

Today, I tendered my resignation after an amazing 5 years, 3 months and 1 week. And, at this point in time, I'm still feeling terrible about letting my boss G go. G, you've been a Fantastic boss and terrific friend, wish I didn't feel this guilty about letting go.

a hope like the flakes of gold on the twilight seas,
a lone silhouette with his trusted oar, fighting,
finding order in the pounding waves and confusing surf as he rides towards the sunshine,
a zephyr of a thought to let go and let the ocean reveal her reality
a dream of treasures, of a mermaid and glory, of atlantis... hope floats, keeps you afloat.

traffic parts even in a jam,
roads get wider overnight,
the world stands aside to make way for you,
the wind is a crisp cool breeze,
the sun turns into a soft-light,
and the trees seem to sway,
to the tune of the song playing in your ears...

A long forgotten past, the hearty smiles, the unashamed tears; traded for what turned out to be the price you had to pay, a crowded corner in society.

Could I punch your face while you pull my hair? Could I cry and scream in a seeming squeal? Could we squat opposite each other in a bitter standoff? The pain seems immense yet in a few moments, the smile shines through the salty lips and miniscule teeth. We fought for what we believed in, and now we see the person behind the belief. We seemed to see it then, but wisdom blinded us. Beliefs are contextual, a person need not be.

Could I have the icing stuck to the box and feel like a prince? Would you share my booty no matter how minuscule it is with a grin that lights up hearts around us? Could I kiss your chubby cheeks and hold you in my faltering arms and shaky knees, when love knows no greater expression and not worry about the whos and whats?

Innocence deserted… Simplicity abandoned for a convoluted farce... Happiness traded for possessions, while joy was bent into being the crutch of belief and love sent to the altar of pretence.

Where the crazy people meet on the street with no name,
if you wish upon a star, there´s a place, Club Bizarre,
come together in my dream...

a few short strides over a few fleeting hours... life's moments narrated, like life gave you a second chance to reminisce and ponder... the silent evening breeze shifting the writings on the sand, the setting sun in those eyes remind you of the paths that were the ones you chose...

it feels like now i fully understand what Wordsworth meant when he said.
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude"

the stage breathed raw energy, the mind stopped loitering, the body just moved to the tempo. 5 minutes, 5000 eyes, and one pair that inspired.

quite a few classes ago, the first feedback I got was a 'your dance is so cute... funk it up'. I can recognise an euphimism when i see one. but then on, the game was on. well, effort went in, sporadic moments of 'brilliance' (modesty, is currently not the theme), but t'was not good, not good enough. and up until yesterday that was all.

every kid fancies a teacher, a hero-worship, a crush. and i was no different. I could do it all for myself, but it's just simpler when the horse doesn't have to merely dream of the carrot!

'u seemed terribly sterssed out today, relax, sleep well and dont let the performance worry you' she said last evening, as i was striding away towards the rest of the gang. and today, i gave it a 300%, i remeber another instructors words 'tis ok if you collapse after the show, but give it your fullest' and frankly, the stage just takes it from you anyway. the music demands and the stage just whips the best out of you... i felt great. absolutely. well, if i were to see myself in video, i might not be the best, but i would still be enjoying every moment i had. a few hours later the instructors performed. the crowd went crazy, girls and boys alike screaming for their favourites... i had to meet my intructors and pat their backs in the very least, since they were just AWESOME! a final performance that wrapped the evening's festivities and showed me how much better i cld be...

and after the show, as we thronged to talk to our favourite super-stars, i met my teacher and she said it, 'you were just super, i was looking for you karthikeyan, and you were simply superb'!

the rest of the crowd vanished for a while. a smile. a hug. and the world snapped back to normalcy.

I had taken years, decades to come to grip with the concept of threads of consciousness, and long enough to weave it into every fabric that surrounds me... and today, i saw it :)

here's the run through. i was on a call with a friend, lets call her SH and was talking to her about her marriage and its sudden-ness and perceptions of the (still queasy) process of an arranged marriage. Shortly after that, I discussed it with another friend named SM (no no not the CEO of Subex) and the conversation went off tangent about perceptions, boundaries, the lack of it, and a rather wasteful arguement about whether their non-existence was superior to their existence. Yep, now u see (hopefully) why it was wasteful. Perception people, PER-CEP-TION!!!

Alongside that, I ran into this other old friend of mine, my classmate in std. 10! in the US, and were talking about her job change dilemas, and giggled about the fact that many here in India just want to get to the US, no matter what in the fond belief that that's where the grass is forever green, while my friend who is married and settled there has a problem on a 'seeming' trivial technicality about her H1 visa...! And I wondered, if only, IF only, to step into another's shoes were that simple and seamless.. :)

Moving on, I bumped into Another old school friend of mine after a seeming eternity...! Was among the few ppl I really trusted... :) still feel happy abt it... :) yada yada yada, went the conversation, there is always a lot to catchup on, a lot to be said and a lot to listen between friends :) and then he said, after a long pause 'sorry dude, the UPS guy was at the door' and for a second I was confused, the next I understood and 2 seconds after that, I smiled :) The string was waving out to me... :)

A lot is going to change, but the change won't be too much.

madness was the only word that could describe this morning.. wake up after a 45 minute long sleep at 3am and rush to get ready to get to the airport... only to realise at the last minute that the flight has been delayed by an hour or so...

The next question was, will we get to go to Dhaka at all, cuz with such a delay in the flight to Calcutta, we would not be able to get the one to Dhaka... Anyway, cancelled the taxi that had arrived, get fleeced Rs.50 for my ignorance, but make one call to the taxi office and my money gets reimbursed... now that feels nice.

4.30 am and the plan was to go the airport by 5.45 and speak to the Duty Officer to see what can be done. So off I go and meet this one sales wonder called Girish who arranges for tickets on an alternate flight to Dhaka, in case we miss ours. So, WE had decided we were going, but Indian Airlines was not too sure when they would take off!

The stroke of 7.45 seemed cause a certain miracle and they decided it was time to go to take the 6.30 flight off the ground afterall...! 3 hours spent sleeping only interuptged by the insipid breakfast. But oh, there I was trying to prop my self on the table and rest my head on the seat in front of me to catch some (more) sleep and this seemingly angelic airhostess gives me a pillow! That sure felt nice... :) and off to sleep I was (again)...

We landed at Calcutta at around 11.20 and our flight to Dhaka was supposed to leave at 11.30 which means we would either have to be very lucky or Superman to zip through the slow moving crowd... But, since we were out of costumes, we just got lucky when they announced that the flight to Dhaka has also been delayed by an hour! Yay! Yuck!

So more waiting at the calcutta airport...

Girish had promised me that my flight to Dhaka would be a 'lifetime experience' and I should agree. I've never seen a plane smaller than that, outside of the silver screen that is. The thing was smelly, half the overhead compartments would not open and many others would not close and some decided when they would prop open and provide some variety entertainment...

A quick take off and I wondered if it were a bus or a boat! What? Did you just say plane? Ha, stop kidding. The thing tossed around like a paper boat in child's tub while it groaned and creeked like a PTC bus in madras! Towards the fag end of the 30 min flight, I was thinking, any more tossing around and I am going to throw up... and well, someone just beat me at it, and the lady sitting in the front decided to make a run to the rest room. The jerk that her husband(i'm assuming) was, would not get up and expected a 90 Kg mini elephant to squeeze between him and the seat in an already cramped airplane... So, precious time was lost and others around her were worried, if she would take aim at them... She did throw up, though not on anyone, and a hostess came and dropped some newspaper on top of the mess like it was a normal thing and kept walking...!

Shortly after that (luckily) the airborne miracle landed and was I glad to get off it...! Girish had me running to the immigration counter with the consolation that "i would see why"

So there we were, 4 on the queue and still had to wait about 30 minutes before I could get out of there... So I did see GB's point. They had missed entering the details of our flight on their computers!! Reminded me of the movie "A few good men". And oh, for in-queue entertainment, they cabins where the immigration police were housed, were freshly painted, so everyone would go up to them, handover the documents, rest they arms, tummy, chest etc on the cabin as they lean into it only to be intimated in broken english that it was fresh paint... :D haha :))

We get out of the airport and are all of a sudden transported into this place that can only be described as "ranganathan street meets dirty railway station". People climbing over fences and walls and calling out to the passengers coming out of the airport. Cars and taxi stopping in the middle of the driveway for their passengers to load the luggage, while the cars which were behind this one keep honking away to glory. Plus of course, the police guy who was there to enforce some orderliness by, ahem, being merely present there!?!?!

Anyway, through all of that we found our cab and got to the hotel and this place is too nice to complain about(so far), so will keep that for tomorrow perhaps...

Come tomorrow and I'd be off on my first ever business trip to Delhi. Fly out by morning and be back home for dinner!

The meet's with one of our customers, a sales pitch, only I wont have to worry about the sales with my sales person and my boss around to back me up... Let's see how it goes...

I just wish I had my nokia phone, cuz now I am stuck with 2 SIMs and 1 phone!!! So all of you calling me on my personal phone, just remember that when the lady says, 'this call is being transferred...' she actually means it! She won't just hang up on you, nor will she transfer the call to the man on the moon. Patience and trust(in the recorded voice) would go a long way :)

btw, the album Dream Dance vol.1 rocks! Do listen to it sometime, but Vol.38 sucks!

	Your travel type: Travel Yup The Travel Yup likes exotic and adventurous travel, but prefers big cities with fast paced life. He has a keen interest in other cultures and always brings home a few souvenirs. Shopping in Bangkok, getting a tailor made suite in Kuala Lumpur, that's the kind of thing the Travel Yup is into. Even though he likes to get away, he prefers his travels to be comfortable.
	top destinations: Hong Kong Bangkok Beirut	stay away from: Alaska Darien Gap Ciudad Perdida

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if the horses of the mind, that thoughts ride on, were tamed. if the dark ravines, that they carelessly explored, were lit up. if the distant sea and its lashing waves were silenced. if cool moon shine or the bright night zephyr were turned away.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you - Katharine Hepburn

I have a choice, right now. To dwell on the moment that just passed or drown it in the mindless beats of the music i'm listening to... I dont understand if I did something wrong. I am but human. But it matters not.

Am I not understood ? But I supposedly don't understand either... Drat.

The intent is pure and unfettered, atleast in my world. Bah, I'm going back to my Benny Benassi who doesn't expect so much, yet entertains all the time...

I know this seems like a rather melancholic post... but trust me, it is not.

I got back from Sri Lanka this morning and rushed to office to be a part of a meeting which had long been cancelled. Spent four hours at my desk with 6 cups of coffee. Thanks to the martinis last night :D

It sure has been a crazy day. Thoughts and ideas waltzed in and out of my head like as if free will was all permeating!

There was one particular thought(thank you for that SMS) that held my attention for longer than the rest of them and somehow seemed to bring a certain calm and quiet. But that only reminded my body to take a nap as my eyelids had found a new faith in gravity!

Anyway, the day ended on a very good note too, with a rather long chat with my boss, which for a change, had no 'feedback' for me :D

So why the title? Well, Natalie sounded too profound when she sang it out :) Goood night.

a snippet from a song that was playing on my comp...

babe, oh dream about me,
lie on the phone to me...
tell me no truth
if it is bad
there's enough in my life
to make me so sad...

which brought to mind another...

So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me

hmm... so after all so many people seeming to be chasing the same thing.. the same thing eludes so many... a dream, a fallacy, a desperate wish... :)